Updated: Mar 6
The year 2020 has forced many to stay alone. The lack of social connectedness has given rise to bouts of depression & lack of enthusiasm towards life for many. The challenge is to learn to be Happy Alone. Be it pandemic or not, no relation is permanent in our lives & when we anchor our emotional dependence on people for us to feel happy about ourselves, there is a high chance that we would be devasted with their absence. Here are some tips that have helped me to become my own best friend:
Journal is my best friend. When I write my thoughts & feelings, I can connect to my inner soul. I can understand what I am feeling & why I am feeling. I can vent my anger, frustration, sadness or happiness in my journal. When I write, a lot of clarity comes in & I am able to understand the source of my feelings. Journaling is not only a powerful manifesting tool (about which I have written here), but also is a way to connect to your intuition. When we write in a free flowing way, a lot of our subconscious thoughts automatically come out on paper. We can look at the situation objectively which in turn lightens our mental load. Whenever you feel lonely, start writing what you are feeling & ask for answers from within, how you want to feel instead. Then give yourself those feelings. For example, if you want to feel loved, give yourself Love. If you want companionship, talk to yourself or journal. Talking to yourself may look crazy, but works wonders! If you want warmth, give yourself warmth by taking a hot bath, lighting candles, snuggling in a comfy blanket etc.
2. Know your Bliss
Another way to centre ourselves inwards is to know what brings you bliss. If you enjoy dancing & forget the time when you dance, then that is your bliss. Carve out time in a day to dance. Just enjoy the process & forget about any outcome or reward. When we follow our spark or joy, we can connect to our inner self which in turn connects us to a greater consciousness. To understand what is your bliss, figure out activities which make you go in a flow state, you forget about the time passing by. You enjoy doing it without the expectation of gaining anything from that activity. For some it could be writing, journaling, reading, dancing, cooking, walking, running, meditating, playing a sport or doing a social cause which you strongly believe with. Find your bliss & take out time to do it. This inner connectedness will reduce your need for outward connection.
3. Pamper Yourself
This one is my favorite. Pamper yourself the way you wish to be done by others. Do you love a bubble bath? Then go create one for yourself! Do you love a special comforting meal? Make yourself a nourishing & soul filling meal! Do you love watching movies at home? Watch your favorites with a bowl of popcorn & favorite drink. Do you love to groom yourself? Book an appointment in a salon or groom yourself at home. But ensure, you are doing these activities for yourself & not to impress anyone. Always remember, self care activity should be done without the expectation of an outwardly reward. These are some of the ways you can feel centred to your own being. These self care activities will help you enhance self love which in turn reduces the need for external validation or connectedness. Read this article to know how you can increase self love!
4. Take Yourself on dates
Another effective tool is to take yourself on Dates. Try having dinner or lunch alone in a restaurant. Initially you will feel awkward & then gradually, you will be very comfortable with being yourself & with yourself. Stop caring what others will think. (Here is an article that will help you do so). If you become pro in having food outside alone, then take it to next level by watching a movie alone. Take yourself for walks, stroll on the beach side, read a book in garden, just sit near a busy street & watch life pass by. When you are comfortable in your own company, the feeling of loneliness dissipates away.
5. Build Your Safe Network
Have a network of people around you who truly love you. You can be connected to them via phone or Internet but the important thing is that these are the people who love you with your flaws. You can be yourself with them. You can share anything & trust them that they will be there for you no matter what! The number of people you are connected with, is not important, what matters is the quality of your relationship. A feeling of safety, warmth & complete acceptance is the key! When you have an emotional support system, no matter where you are physically, your loneliness will fade away when you speak to them. Important thing to remember is to keep nurturing these relations. Don't connect with them only when you are feeling low. Make sure you regularly speak & update about your Life. Ask their well being & have fun conversations too not just the serious ones!
6. Take a Phone Break
Social media is one of the major causes for feeling low alone. When we look at the picture perfect lives of people, we feel a sense of lack in our own lives. This feeling aggravates when we are alone. Thus, important thing is to take a break from social media. Set a time limit & use social media only to enhance knowledge. Also avoid binge watching movie or Internet series. We can tend to get so much absorbed in the fictitious world of series & movies that our expectations from reality also increase. The mismatch can further elevate feelings of sadness! Watch, but in limit.
7. Get Organized
There is something therapeutic about getting organized & decluttering. Although I am guilty of not organising & not decluttering often, especially after having a baby, I don't have any energy or motivation to organise, clean or declutter; but once in a blue moon when I start doing it, it clears my mind & reduces sadness & stress. I feel fresh & energetic. Thus, when feeling lonely, make your home your own Best friend & start tending to it. If you feel lazy to do it, then play music or an audio book in the background. Declutter & learn together.
These are some tips that have helped me become my own best friend. When our self love is high, emotional dependence on others reduces. That doesn't mean that we don't need people. We definitely need a support system, but with high self Love, we are now connected with a place of Love & not from a place of insecurity! If you are feeling depressed, this article might help you! What are your ways to be alone & Happy. Comment below & share your knowledge!