Lately, I have experienced so many transitions all of a sudden that handling chaos has become a challenge for me. Attaching too much to people, place or situation can hinder our growth & keeps us stuck in a low mood for a long time. Here is where I am practising detachment from people, place, things or situations. This doesn't mean, getting rid of these, it simply means not determining our state of mind through these things. It is far easier said than done. Sages, monks, thinkers have spent years in achieving bliss without the affect of outward circumstances. It takes a high level of enlightenment to reach that state. So are we, ordinary people like us, doomed to suffer? Fortunately no! What separates us from these enlightened soul is just a choice. They have chosen to be detached despite their circumstances. So how can we get one step closer to finding inner peace? Detachment is a mental skill that can prevent us from getting caught up too much in our anxieties & emotions. It literally means disassociating one thing from the other. In your case, it means detaching yourself from outside circumstances, especially challenging ones. This does not mean that stressful scenarios will go away from your life, but it definitely means that you will be able to handle them with calm & presence. Following tips are helping me find inner peace & deal with stressful situations & I wish it would help you as well:
1. Detach your sense of self worth from everything
Always remember, your self worth is not determined by what you have but by who you are. Detach your self worth from everything outside your control like your achievements, successes, money, Fame, prestige, people's opinion, significant others' or family's opinion, etc. Place your self-worth on the person you are, how much you are growing as a person. Do not place your self worth on whether someone likes or loves you. You are lovable despite their affection for you. But do not let your love for them lower down as a result of which. Love them anyway but with detachment. Of course it would be icing on the cake if they reciprocate but do not depend on it for your happiness.
2. Detach from any expected outcome
Similarly, have goals & try to achieve success but in a detached way. No matter what the outcome is, keep working towards your dreams & desires because the real fun lies in the process. Outcome, as a I said before is the icing on the cake. I used to believe very strongly that unless I have lots of success & achievements, I won't be happy. Sure, it gives temporary high, but soon you go back to your original state. I had to work on myself for years to get over this belief.
3. Detach from your thoughts & emotions
Eckhart Tolle in his book , The Power of Now, mentioned very aptly that you are not your mind & not your emotions. Always pay attention to your thoughts. There would be one who does the thinking & the other who is observing. That observing being is your soul. We all are souls in a human journey experiencing emotions. Do bask in it cause there are many good emotions as well but again with detachment. Do not place your happiness on that.
4. Focus on the big picture
In challenging situations, focus on the big picture. What is it you want ultimately? If the answer is suppose, financial freedom, then what exactly you want to achieve from that? More time for yourself? Ability to travel more? Having a comfortable house? When you know what is your ultimate goal, small bumps on the road do not deter you. If it's someone's love you are craving, what is it you want ultimately. An experience together? Their happiness? Your happiness? When you have the right answers, you can take steps to remove the blocks that are preventing you to achieve them.
5. This shall too pass
Good thing or bad thing, always remember, this shall too pass. No situation remains the same forever. Hence it becomes even more imperative to let go of the attachment to the situation. Good things reminds us that the universe has our back. Bad things reminds us to keep growing as a person. Always find the good thing about the bad situation. It could have been worse & many people are still living with even worse. Be thankful for the experience of the good situations. Challenging situations are an indication that your soul is desiring something deeply but you are not able to achieve it. There are lessons & experiences yet to be learned. So either remember that the desire too shall pass & if it doesn't, then get to the root of it. Face it head on. Remove the blocks that are preventing you to experience the desire.
Detachment is a skill that can take years to master. But, it's awareness itself can be healing for our soul. Challenging situations force us to look deep within our deepest desires & we should use it to achieve it. But we shall not forget that whether you achieve the outcome or not, inner peace lies in the journey to achieve them. What are your thoughts on detachment? Comment below and share your knowledge.
Recommended Reading-
The Power of Now
https://amzn.to/36HkiIr
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Medium.com